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 When the lines become blurry

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blackice_pixie
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Posts : 181
Join date : 2010-08-02

PostSubject: When the lines become blurry   Mon Nov 01, 2010 6:56 pm

It has been quite a long time since I have moved in with Chris. Even from my last entry.. our relationship has changed tremendously. I feel guilty though, knowing that I am getting physical and emotional satisfaction from doing things with Chris that "are not classified as sex". I put quotes around that statement because I think I may be using this idea as a cop out to avoid diving into this relationship even deeper with him, so we don;t end up hurting on another by moving things along too fast.

I have never considered myself attracted to men, but Chris has this uncanny ability to melt me with a glance and make me shudder in anticipation by whispering on my skin. There is no more avoiding my rock hard cock when he bites me.. fuck.. part of me wants to take the plunge and just sleep with him.. but I am afraid. Not only of my emotions and of how fragile he is.. but because it will truly mark the end with Andrea. I may have mentally moved on from the relationship we have... but my heart is still rooted in my past in a lot of ways.

I have never ever felt as good as I do when I am with Chris and he bites me.. or when I work moans and gasps out of his lips. It is like a heady drug that I am completely addicted to. I know he is waiting for me to make the final move, to completely erase the arbitrary gray line between friends, brothers and lovers. Although.. I feel that he and I are all of those things.. like we are not something to be classified.

I am still super embarrassed at the fact that he makes me feel so hot.. so eager. I haven't told him about the dreams where I scream, and I am so lost in the pleasure and comfort of his touch. I want more from him then the intense pleasure.. I want to feel safe and loved.. and he makes me feel that way all the time. Why am I so afraid? My heart and body are eager for him.

Maybe these next few weeks will bring about another change. I feel us getting closer and closer, and yet this awkward gap remains that is shattered by pure lust and adoration we have for one another at certain times. I want to break the wall.. I truly want to tell him that I am in love with him.. and that I always have been.. and always will. I want to erase the lines.. once and for all.
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vvandel
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Posts : 224
Join date : 2010-09-28

PostSubject: Re: When the lines become blurry   Mon Nov 01, 2010 7:13 pm

AHHHH!!!! You can;t just post this and not have time set up for us to talk!! Screw the Chinese we are focusing in on this plot!
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