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 Deadly Desires

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blackice_pixie
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Posts : 181
Join date : 2010-08-02

PostSubject: Deadly Desires   Tue Oct 26, 2010 2:52 pm

I never truly realized how lucky I am to have Davar. It is only now that I watch Gwyn dealing with the loss of Jakub that I finally understand that I cannot take Davar for granted. At least Gwyn has perked up a little though.. I think Aidyn is good for her. Watching them also gives me other things to think about... that aren't Ceriden. I honestly do not know why I am so drawn to him.. it's like every time he looks at me it feels as if he is slowly eating away at my willpower.

I really hurt Davar again.. and I said some thoughtless things to him. And even so, I went and slept with Ceriden again. I know he thinks nothing of me except that I am a pretty face and a good lay. He even serves his Queen without love in his heart. It makes me wonder about Lorelai.. and how she is running her court. Part of me want to reach out to the boy I used to know who would smile warmly instead of cockily at me, but I know he is not there anymore.

I really worry too much about things that don't need to be worried over. I know deep down that Davar and I are ok.. but sometimes I feel like we are so far apart. God. I want to cry sometimes.. and there is no reason. He cherishes me..but I feel so alone so much of the time. I don't have a family to talk to, my only friend has been shattered by the death of her husband, and Davar has been busy keeping the peace between factions.

I thought about what he told me a while ago, about marrying me. Maybe it's better that he never asked. He doesn't need a selfish little girl like me by his side all the time. Maybe in time I can calm down and try to understand my emotions. It may be that I am punishing myself with Ceriden for what I did to Davar.. trying to push him away so I won't ever hurt him like I did.

If only I knew.. and if only I could stop.
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vvandel
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Posts : 224
Join date : 2010-09-28

PostSubject: Re: Deadly Desires   Tue Oct 26, 2010 10:43 pm

oh Sydney Sydney. Good thing shes becoming friends with Tessa. Gives her a chance to have a fresh non lovey dovey perspective. Man she really gets insecure sometimes... does Davar just need to tell her he loves her more often?
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