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 Last will and testiment

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vvandel
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PostSubject: Last will and testiment   Mon Apr 18, 2016 1:26 pm

4/13/16

I’ve changed since Salem and Dominic came into my life. Gone is the poor orphan girl learning witchcraft. In her place is someone I don’t even recognize. A woman of extreme power, complicated relationships, and tales of loss. I am… I am bonded to someone new. Fate has spelled out the path for me, and I have been taught to not think too deeply about the path of my life.

The compulsion to see Lucifer is the same as it was with Salem and yet… it is not the same at all. Perhaps I have finally learned how to guard my heart from my soul, for although I feel drawn to him, I do not love him. Even without being my soulmate, I still feel that burning, desperate desire for Salem. But he has been released from that burden and can return to the woman he really loves. Oh how it burns, to know I was nothing but something forced upon him. And even knowing that I will never be what he wants, I still ache for whatever I can have.

I think the yearning for what we can never have has bound Dominic and I together. We are… we are not in love with each other, though I believe we both care very deeply. But together we can create the illusion of a life filled with what could be happiness. And when either of us waivers, we hold each other in comfort, knowing that we suffer the same burden. And yet saying they are the same isn’t true. My desire for Salem will always be a part of me, but I have only become twisted not broken. Dominic’s need for Gwynn has dashed him across the rocks over and over again.

And tied up in all of this is Soren. Soren who steals me away on a whim to trap me with him. Soren who locked me in the cave with Salem for 100 years with no relief or way to get away. Soren who I have hated and loved in equal measures. I am a different woman with him, often a feral creature focused only on the moment. I still resent all the years I’ve lost being trapped in that cave, even if it did improve my magic. And yet Soren and I seem to have finally reached a truce, a level of understanding and acceptance of what we must be to each other.

When I went to him in his study, it was the first time I’ve sought him out so directly and goaded him into doing what I want. Sometimes I need the violence and the struggle with someone as strong as I am. And sometimes, despite everything I do to deny it, I just crave him.

My life is not what it was two years ago, a hundred years ago. It is irrevocably changed. I am a part of this world now with dragons, angels, souls and death. I still grieve the loss of so much of my innocence and my life. I fear what the future holds for me. I am walking a dark path, with ever growing shadows. One day it will swallow and consume me and nothing will be left of the girl that was. Soon she will die and I will be… I don’t know what I will be. I choose not to think about what twists my life has taken and all that can still be stolen from me. Fate has shown me I cannot stop what is to come, that happiness does not exist in this life, and that power will never offer salvation. The only thing to do is to continue putting one foot in front of the other.
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blackice_pixie
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PostSubject: Re: Last will and testiment   Fri Apr 22, 2016 12:23 am

awww Roslyn! SHe spelled out her and Dominic so well. They arent in love per say, but they care for each other really deeply.
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vvandel
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PostSubject: Re: Last will and testiment   Fri Apr 22, 2016 7:52 am

I actually think not being in love is a benefit for them. It lets them endure all the people who pop up in their lives better. They are good supports for each other. And who knows maybe down the road they will fall in love.
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